I should be at work right now, but I’ve taken the day off. A rather expensive day off, one I can’t afford at the moment. But when you wake up and you can’t speak, and your work is at a call center, I think the universe is trying to tell you something.

I’ve never been to a place so soul-tearing and mentally exhausting that a little piece of my conscience dies every time I log in at work. Call center. A pretty straightforward idea of what’s it for but such a dark, twisted and emotionally draining place.

I’d like to compare it to a mental hospital. You know, the ones in movies with the white rooms with padded walls and a chair. Like those, except we have phones and our demons aren’t within us, but on the other side of the call.

What I do is pretty easy. Customer service for a credit card processing company. People call, they want to know what we charge them, change info, or perhaps get info from us. I am naturally inclined to want to help people (something with dad abandoning me and thus having the need of approval) but I am sincerely upset when people are just being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. Sighs.

And that’s just the people who call, what about the people who work there.  I try not to fall in stereotypes but, well what can I say. There is some really weird people. I’m not normal I know that, but I’m talking wtf weird. Nonetheless there’s some really nice people there, I’ve actually grown fond to some of them.

I may understand rationally the purpose of me having this job, I may even have this all planned out well but it is so frustrating siting down for hours at once and just do the most menial and pathetic of intellectual jobs. But mostly is the feeling that I’m not moving forward. I mean I am taking the cooking classes but is that really taking me anywhere?

There’s nothing more dangerous than leaving someone to their thoughts only.