We are the heroes of our stories. We all go thru the same journey, different in hue but not in essence. When I first read Campbell’s The Power of Myth it shook me to the core. It embraced my uneasiness with where I was at the moment and where I wanted to be, with who I was and who I was suppose to be.
We lose our call to adventure as we grow. We may dream about it, we may even go as far as to plan it in our heads but in the meanwhile we’re not actually doing anything to purse it. We look for excuses and obstacles and we do our best to convince others and ourselves that it is really out of our control, that we have tried our best and its just not possible. We resign, we pack our dreams and our crazy ideas in that box we hide in the back of our minds that we seldom take out to play. We may settle with people’s idea that a hobby can sustain the fire that should be driving our lives.
Bliss was such a foreign concept for me. A sort of urban legend if you may, that was not meant for me. And then you stop and think, but why? Why must I choose anything other than following my bliss? And things start to become clear.
I think we all need that moment of sudden realization, that something that leaves us feeling like a shore just washed by the tide, that loss of everything and nothing, that rock bottom, that on hindsight becomes our turning point.
Circa Feb ’14 I had that do or die moment. Things shifted and the ground underneath was shaken. I laid there confused, but mostly mad at myself because I had convinced myself that thinking was all I needed to do, that the plans I had in my head were enough. That I didn’t actually need to lose anything. To certain extent I was worse, I knew what I needed to do and I was letting fear take me to accept a life that seemed laid out in front of me, instead of the life that is waiting for me. Which is when I realised that you need to let go of everything, every preconceived idea of what you should do or do not and command yourself to live by your dreams.
I woke up, I decided excuses were not acceptable and whatever needed to be done was going to be done and if it didn’t work so be it, ways are plenty. I accepted the call to adventure.
I found myself working at another call centre. A much more pleasant environment than the previous one, but still at heart a constant struggle with the same demons. It was better this time around. It allowed me to take that leap down the rabbit hole. I kept things for myself because I owed no one any sort of explanations. A lot of people were hesitant to be supportive of what I wanted to do, and so they forfeited the right to hear about it.
Many months later I’m sitting here with boxes in my room, an uncompleted suitcase I’m already late in preparing and a heart beating too fast. The promise of the challenge that lies ahead allows me to smile and say “nothing” when people ask what I’m doing or what are my plans (not because they care, but because they want to feel better about themselves because they’re doing whatever it is they’re doing).
So in a few days I will be saying goodbye to a few and I’ll be taking on a quest that it is both scary and exciting. A new country, living by myself, doing what I want to do, fighting demons and slaying dragons.
Paraphrasing Gandalf, home is now behind me, the world is ahead.