I believe its darkest before dawn, in its metaphorical construction. A few months ago I said yes to adventure, I was open to whatever happened in the name of bliss. I had no idea of what was going to happen.

I had foreseen challenges and I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy free fall into the future but in the snap of a finger I was spiraling down a never ending void. Darker and darker, rock bottom didn’t seem to arrive soon enough. The challenges came from unexpected places, I lost the floor underneath and everything else. Suddenly my demons were others.

I had lost more than I could bear in so little time, and so I’m sitting there in the stillest hour, surrounded by darkness and I’m thinking “now what?” I still don’t know what. I’m still sitting here wondering. I know pain is a place we go to from time to time, to lick our wounds and to find closure. I know its not a place to dwell. I also know we are where we have to be. And I know we feel however we feel because of the perspective we decide to embrace in any particular circumstance.

In the stillness of chaos and the deafening silence of the unknown I know nothing, I know less than before. It’s all a wreckage now and I don’t know how long it will stay like that. So for the time being, however long that may be, I’m accepting that this is what I need.

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